Arcade Games cool internet arcade and action games. Addictive Board Games checkers, chess, mahjongg, ludo and more board games. Card Games flash solitaire. The Full Carnivale Cartoon SunConan OBrien Delivers The 2. Dartmouth Commencement Address Team. Coco. com. Full transcript of Conans address is below. Or Download PDFDARTMOUTH COLLEGE COMMENCEMENT ADDRESSConan OBrien Hanover, New Hampshire June 1. Before I begin, I must point out that behind me sits a highly admired President of the United States and decorated war hero while I, a cable television talk show host, has been chosen to stand here and impart wisdom. The Full Carnivale Cartoon ' title='The Full Carnivale Cartoon ' />The Full Carnivale Cartoon CatI pray I never witness a more damning example of what is wrong with America today. Graduates, faculty, parents, relatives, undergraduates, and old people that just come to these things Good morning and congratulations to the Dartmouth Class of 2. Today, you have achieved something special something only 9. Americans your age will ever know  a college diploma. Thats right, with your college diploma you now have a crushing advantage over 8 percent of the workforce. Im talking about dropout losers like Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and Mark Zuckerberg. Incidentally, speaking of Mr. Clarence J. Clancy Brown III born January 5, 1958 is an American actor and voice actor known for his roles as The Kurgan in the fantasy film Highlander 1986. Inactive Pieces. ISRC USUAN1100096 Assorted Rimshots removed May 2013 ISRC USUAN1100113 Piano Cue One removed May 2013 ISRC USUAN1100152 Modern Piano. Zuckerberg, only at Harvard would somebody have to invent a massive social network just to talk with someone in the next room. My first job as your commencement speaker is to illustrate that life is not fair. For example, you have worked tirelessly for four years to earn the diploma youll be receiving this weekend, and Dartmouth is giving me the same degree for interviewing the fourth lead in Twilight. Deal with it.  Another example that life is not fair if it does rain, the powerful rich people on stage get the tent. Deal with it. I would like to thank President Kim for inviting me here today. After my phone call with President Kim, I decided to find out a little bit about the man. He goes by President Kim and Dr. Kim.  To his friends, hes Jim Kim, J to the K, Special K, JK Rowling, the Just Kidding Kimster, and most puzzling, Stinky Pete. He served as the chair of the Department of Global Health and Social Medicine at Harvard Medical School, spearheaded a task force for the World Health Organization on Global Health Initiatives, won a Mac. Arthur Genius Grant and was one of Time Magazines 1. Most Influential People in 2. Good God, man, what the hell are you compensating for Seriously. We get it youre smart. By the way Dr. Kim, you were brought to Dartmouth to lead, and as a world class anthropologist, you were also hired to figure out why each of these graduating students ran around a bonfire 1. But I thank you for inviting me, Stinky Pete, and it is an honor to be here. Watch Mickey`S House Of Villains Hd. Though some of you may see me as a celebrity, you should know that I once sat where you sit. Literally.  Late last night I snuck out here and sat in every seat. I did it to prove a point I am not bright and I have a lot of free time. But this is a wonderful occasion and it is great to be here in New Hampshire, where I am getting an honorary degree and all the legal fireworks I can fit in the trunk of my car. New Hampshire is such a special place. When I arrived I took a deep breath of this crisp New England air and thought, Wow, Im in the state thats next to the state where Ben and Jerrys ice cream is made. But dont get me wrong, I take my task today very seriously. When I got the call 2 months ago to be your speaker, I decided to prepare with the same intensity many of you have devoted to an important term paper. So late last night, I began. I drank two cans of Red Bull, snorted some Adderall, played a few hours of Call of Duty, and then opened my browser. I think Wikipedia put it best when they said Dartmouth college is a private Ivy League University in Hanover, New Hampshire, United States. Thank you and good luck. To communicate with you students today, I have gone to great lengths to become well versed in your unique linquistic patterns. In fact, just this morning I left Baker Berry with my tripee Barry to eat a Billy Bob at the Bema when my flitz to Francesca was Blitz jacked by some d bag on his FSP. Yes, Ive done my research. This college was named after the Second Earl of Dartmouth, a good friend of the Third Earl of UC Santa Cruz and the Duke of the Barbazon School of Beauty. Your school motto is Vox Clamantis in Deserto, which means Voice Crying Out in the Wilderness. This is easily the most pathetic school motto I have ever heard. Apparently, it narrowly beat out Silently Weeping in Thick Shrub and Wimpering in Moist Leaves without Pants. Your school color is green, and this color was chosen by Frederick Mather in 1. I cannot remember hearing anything so sad. Dartmouth, you have an inferiority complex, and you should not. You have graduated more great fictitious Americans than any other college. Meredith Grey of Greys Anatomy. Pete Campbell from Mad Men. Michael Corleone from The Godfather. In fact, I look forward to next years Valedictory Address by your esteemed classmate, Count Chocula. Of course, your greatest fictitious graduate is Treasury Secretary Timothy Geitner. Man, imagine if a real Treasury Secretary made those kinds of decisions. Oh, I know.  Youre going to say Weve got Dr. Seuss. Well guess what, were all tired of hearing about Dr. Seuss.   Face it The man rhymed fafloozle with saznoozle. In the literary community, thats called cheating. Your insecurity is so great, Dartmouth, that you dont even think you deserve a real podium. What the hell is this thing It looks like you stole it from the set of Survivor Nova Scotia. Seriously, it looks like something a bear would use at an AA meeting. No, Dartmouth, you must stand tall. Raise your heads high and feel proud. Because if Harvard, Yale, and Princeton are your self involved, vain, name dropping older brothers, you are the cool, sexually confident, Lacrosse playing younger sibling who knows how to throw a party and looks good in a down vest. Brown, of course, is your lesbian sister who never leaves her room. And Penn, Columbia, and Cornell. Yes, Ive always had a special bond with this school. In fact, this is my second time coming here. When I was 1. 7 years old and touring colleges, way back in the fall of 1. I came to Dartmouth. Dartmouth was a very different place back then. I made the trip up from Boston on a mule and, after asking the blacksmith in West Leb for directions, I came to this beautiful campus. No dormitories had been built yet, so I stayed with a family of fur traders in White River junction. It snowed heavily during my visit and I was trapped here for four months. I was forced to eat the mule, who a week earlier had been forced to eat the fur traders. Still, I loved Dartmouth and I vowed to return. But fate dealt a heavy blow. With no money, I was forced to enroll in a small, local commuter school, a pulsating sore on a muddy elbow of the Charles River. I was a miserable wretch, and to this day I cannot help but wonder  What if I had gone to Dartmouth If I had gone to Dartmouth, I might have spent at least some of my college years outside and today I might not be allergic to all plant life, as well as most types of rock. If I had gone to Dartmouth, right now Id be wearing a fleece thong instead of a lace thong. If I had gone to Dartmouth, I still wouldnt know the second verse to Dear Old Dartmouth. Face it, none of you do you all mumble that part. If I had gone to Dartmouth, Id have a liver the size and consistency of a bean bag chair. Finally, if I had gone to Dartmouth, today Id be getting an honorary degree at Harvard. Imagine how awesome that would be. You are a great school, and you deserve a historic commencement address. Thats right, I want my message today to be forever remembered because it changed the world. To do this, I must suggest groundbreaking policy. Winston Churchill gave his famous Iron Curtain speech at Westminster College in 1. JFK outlined his nuclear disarmament policy at American University in 1. And today, I would like to set forth my own policy here at Dartmouth I call it The Conan Doctrine.